300 calories

I've got 300 calories for the day. My friend doesn't want to finish her chips and shes trying to give them to me.
This is gonna be hard.
To stay under 300 calories today all I can eat is a fraction of whatever dinner my mother makes, so I've drank a SF energy drink with like 4 calories in it and chewed a shitload of gum.

...

Woohoo I got some followers and a comment and shit so I love you ok? :D Let's be friends.

Basically earlier in school my friend force-fed me a chocolate cupcake. Literally shoved it halfway down my throat. I love her and all but it was a miracle I didn't chop her into bits and set them on fire. Haha... haha... ha... yeah.

So I'm refusing to eat anything for the rest of the day because I have absolutely NO clue how many calories were in that cupcake. Could be 50, could be 350. So no more food. I can do this!

Calorie Count 5/3/2013

Let's just say that I ate like a fat pig today and I'm not giving my calories because I'm just that ashamed.

ABC diet starts tomorrow though, so I will fix today's mistakes.

I've also found out that I'm allergic to bananas. Basically eating one was like taking a box of laxatives. TMI? Ah sure.

I WILL BE SKINNY <3

...

Btw, just wanted to mention that I haven't SH'd today ^^ that's a plus. I had the urge earlier but I just sort of fought it down. I've promised myself I'm not bringing a blade to school anymore either, fuck my anxeity, I'll learn to deal.

Family Drama

Last night's post was written while I was lying in a pool of blood, sick and tears. Yeah not so nice. Arguments with parents and whatnot.

The whole story about how my Dad's been shoving Bible shit down my throat for years and how badly it's screwed me up finally came out to my Ma. Yeah, that was a weird conversation. Basically I just broke down and told her how much I hated myself because (as much as I don't want to) I believe that I'm fucked in the afterlife - going to hell boiiiss see ya there.

No but seriously those thoughts are a big part of my self-destructive behaviour; I feel like I deserve to hurt because I'm such a worthless person and I'm going to hell blah blah God hates me blah I hate me too blah blah blah.

Of course I didn't tell her about anything else, so she still doesn't know about the cutting, or the disordered eating habits, or the three suicide attempts, or the rape or the drugs or the... Yeah I'm just gonna stop now.

Pretty fucked up life huh?
Well I'm a pretty fucked up person.

Calorie Count 4/3/2012

Intake:
2 slices of toast with low-fat butter:
148kcals
2 Eggs, scrambled:
161kcals
Handful of cheese and onion crisps:
probably about 20kcal
Total = 323
Exercise:
1 hour walking:
189kcals
30 minutes yoga:
120-ish
Total = 309
Net:
14kcals.
Not a deficit but I'm quite happy with that c: