TRIGGER WARNING

This blog contains posts about self-harm, eating disorders, sexual themes and some other not-so-nice stuff. It may be triggering for some. You have been warned.

Thursday 7 March 2013

Cutting calories, cutting cocaine, and just plain cutting.

Today was horrible.

I ate two hotdogs.

TWO.

I'm so done with myself.

Urg.

And I've been limping all day, because there's a gash on my leg I have from Monday night that's finally starting to heal and the skin's so tight and it's so sore, and... and... argh.

The two hotdogs are the only things I've eaten today (no buns or sauces just the actual meaty thingies) and they bring my count up to 368. So no more food, except coffee and Diet Coke. Oh I don't know how I'd live without my coffee and coke.

Talking about coke: F is sorta kinda maybe addicted to it. Not the good coke, the bad coke. Like cocaine. The shit you shove up your nose. He's quitting though, he promised me. He's why I'm quitting the self-harming too. Well, trying anyway. The cocaine bothers me and the cutting bothers him, so we've promised to stop for eachother.

So I've got such an exiting life huh?

No more food, no more cutting.
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5 comments:

  1. Unknown7 March 2013 at 10:30

    That's great that you two are improving your lives for each other. Omg, why do hot dogs have so many calories??? That isn't a lot for a daily intake though. You barely ate anything. Maybe you could go vegan? I did. Most vegan food tastes just like the real thing except has WAY less calories. :)

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    1. Melanie Jackson8 March 2013 at 08:14

      I have no clue about the hotdogs, I read the packet and was like OMFG WUT. I'd actually love to go vegan o.o there'd be no way my parents would letme, because I was a vegetarian for months and when I started losing weight (not enough) and I got really pale, they made me stop. Obviously they thought it was the vegetarian diet andnot all the restricting I was doing :L

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  2. Katy7 March 2013 at 11:17

    you're doing great melanie, 368 isn't bad.. it could be SO much worse, don't worry :] i'm sorry about your boyfriend, but at least you're both upfront with each other about things and can hopefully help each other through anything ♥ hope you're well!

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    1. Melanie Jackson8 March 2013 at 08:15

      Thank you c: although to me it's still not good enough xD and we're ok at the moment, he hasnt touched the stuff since last friday (which was the last time I saw him unfortunately) <3

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  3. Too Fat for Words8 March 2013 at 02:13

    Good luck with not cutting! It's so hard but sure you can find the stregth to do it.

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