Family Drama

Last night's post was written while I was lying in a pool of blood, sick and tears. Yeah not so nice. Arguments with parents and whatnot.

The whole story about how my Dad's been shoving Bible shit down my throat for years and how badly it's screwed me up finally came out to my Ma. Yeah, that was a weird conversation. Basically I just broke down and told her how much I hated myself because (as much as I don't want to) I believe that I'm fucked in the afterlife - going to hell boiiiss see ya there.

No but seriously those thoughts are a big part of my self-destructive behaviour; I feel like I deserve to hurt because I'm such a worthless person and I'm going to hell blah blah God hates me blah I hate me too blah blah blah.

Of course I didn't tell her about anything else, so she still doesn't know about the cutting, or the disordered eating habits, or the three suicide attempts, or the rape or the drugs or the... Yeah I'm just gonna stop now.

Pretty fucked up life huh?
Well I'm a pretty fucked up person.

School

So far the day hasn't been great. There was a stupid fight yesterday over my friend S dying her hair the colour another girl apparently wanted to, so now this girl (J) is bitching about her, and me for sticking up for S.
Fuckin teenage drama, I want to scream sometimes.
Sitting in music, second class, it's 10:30am and I'm blogging on my phone because the teacher is an oblivious eejit haha.
So far today I've eaten nothing. My mam didn't make me lunch, she left money on the table for me but I just put it in a drawer because I don't want to buy binge food with it. I was going to bring an apple with me but I forgot. So looks like I'm fasting at least until dinner. Maybe I can get out of dinner too.
I will be skinny, I will be happy, and no-one is going to stop me.
... Obviously I have no internet at school so anything I write today will be posted at the same time when I get home. Don't explode or anything.