Last night's post was written while I was lying in a pool of blood, sick and tears. Yeah not so nice. Arguments with parents and whatnot.
The whole story about how my Dad's been shoving Bible shit down my throat for years and how badly it's screwed me up finally came out to my Ma. Yeah, that was a weird conversation. Basically I just broke down and told her how much I hated myself because (as much as I don't want to) I believe that I'm fucked in the afterlife - going to hell boiiiss see ya there.
No but seriously those thoughts are a big part of my self-destructive behaviour; I feel like I deserve to hurt because I'm such a worthless person and I'm going to hell blah blah God hates me blah I hate me too blah blah blah.
Of course I didn't tell her about anything else, so she still doesn't know about the cutting, or the disordered eating habits, or the three suicide attempts, or the rape or the drugs or the... Yeah I'm just gonna stop now.
Pretty fucked up life huh?
Well I'm a pretty fucked up person.
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